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Old Oct 28, 2003, 06:31 PM   #46
Nexus
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3,648 flights since Dec 2001
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Re: Da Ultimately Sad SciFlicks SQUAD! Movie: The Big Sleep

*Nex enters a forest. He sees Splend.*

Nex:
Why am I dreaming of you?

Splend:
So I can warn you of the terrors within.

Nex:
Ah. Gotcha.

*Enters deeper into the forest. Splend realises that he's let Nex go.*

Splend:
Wait! You can't come here - this is Bat Country!
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Old Nov 18, 2003, 06:21 PM   #47
Splendiferous
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Re: Da Ultimately Sad SciFlicks SQUAD! Movie: The Big Sleep

<<Meanwhile, in the world outside of Nex's dream, chaos reigned. Some pilots immediately ran to their ships - and flew away, leaving the Sciflicks flagship under attack. Some pilot's sought rfuge in the bar. Some pilots armed themselves to the teeth, knowing that they would be marching into certain death.>>

Iwata : <<cocks futuristic shotgun>> They'll NEVER take us alive, right Splend?

Splend : Not now, I'm busy writing out my will.


<<Mournful music plays as various members, among them Splend, Sith and Iwata take up arms, and in slow-motion troop out of the armoury door to the point of the ship nearest the domino - the entry point. On the way they pass SF holding up a ban the bomb sign>>

SF : Oh, isn't this a peaceful march? Damn, I wish I'd known, I'd have brought more than one molotov ...
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Old Nov 18, 2003, 07:49 PM   #48
becks-orion
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1,175 flights since Oct 2003
Re: Da Ultimately Sad SciFlicks SQUAD! Movie: The Big Sleep

CUE- Dramatic music.

Our brave hero's stop their march.

Splend: Did someone forget to turn their stereo off?

Iwata: I ate my stereo during that contest Friday, remember?

Soon the answer became apparent... a strange figure dressed in an even stranger outfit appeared before them. And it thus spoke.

Stranger: Doughnut anyone?

Splend: Who are you?

Stranger: I am the doughnut delivery person. There was a delivery ordered via dreamscape.web by a.. (fishes out order pad) Noxius?

Iwata: Nexus?

Stranger: Nexus. Right.

Sith: But how did you get on the ship?

Stranger: Well sir, we at the House of Doughnuts take our customer service very seriously.. it's actually in our contracts- delivery within any specified time/distance or our souls staked out and burnt. So here I am. Doughnuts?

Silence.

Iwata: We're kind of on our way to face certain death in battle. And whilst stopping for doughnuts may not be out of the ordinary considering, facing down a hamster filled domino is stomache churning enough.

Splend: But thanks for the thought.

SF: Say, do you have those doughnuts with the chocolate flakes and the sugar sprinkles where you can stick a fuse in and turn into mini micro bombs?

Stranger: (big smile) Why sir, they're on our two for one offer!

SF turns to the others - You know I may have a plan. What's your name stranger.

Stranger: I have many. But the non NC-17 one would be becks.

Splend: Welcome to the squad, becks.
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Old Nov 19, 2003, 06:52 AM   #49
ThinWLady
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Re: Da Ultimately Sad SciFlicks SQUAD! Movie: The Big Sleep

They shouldn't have stopped there. The happy chatting was heard by The Amazing Piano Woman! She rolls down the deck towards them!

SF: All right, I'll handle this!

Iwata: No! I'll handle this!

The One......:Oh no, guys! It's my turn now.

Splend: Why not mine as well?

Nex: Doughnuts!

The Amazing Piano Woman stops. She is thinking now - that's why she plays Philip Glass.

Iwata: Okay, take it easy now. We won't harm you.

Nex: ...Unless you'll turn into pan pipe and try then to play Iron Maiden.

Splend: Exactly!

Becks: What shall we do now? She just watches us and plays that stupid tune again and again!

SF: Maybe I should use this molotov now?

The One......: Has anybody tried to play her?

Everybody: What?!

Iwata: Do you think it would help?

The One......: Well, we can always try...

Iwata: Okay, I will do it... If nobody else wants?

Nobody seems to be eager to do it. Iwata sighs and goes to the The Amazing Piano Woman! He places his hands on her...

Iwata: Shall I play Chopsticks or Jesus Is Lord of All?

SF: Oh, you can do my song.

He starts to play. Soon The Amazing Piano Woman turns into new form. She has became a... Beaver! The ships voice starts to talk again...
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Old Nov 19, 2003, 10:26 AM   #50
Nexus
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Re: Da Ultimately Sad SciFlicks SQUAD! Movie: The Big Sleep

Splend:
Wait, aren't you in a dream, Nex?

Nexus:
Dammit, they caught me!

*Nexus opens up his stomach and we see that he is a robotic spy. He presses the self-destruct button and explodes.*
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Old Nov 19, 2003, 12:32 PM   #51
Splendiferous
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Re: Da Ultimately Sad SciFlicks SQUAD! Movie: The Big Sleep

Splend : Well, that was decidedly odd. Is everyone ok?

Iwata : I can't feel my legs!

Splend : <<sighs>> Iwata, your legs are made of wood, remember? you had the4m made to replace your real ones after they were shot off in the war ...

Iwata : Oh yeah ...

Becks : Did anyone hear the shipos's voice speak? It could be important - he started talking just after that pianolady turned into a beaver.

<<Iwata looks at the beaver. and at his wooden legs, made to replace his real ones after they were shot off in the war. and at the beaver. and at his wooden legs, made to replace his real ones after they were shot off in the war. and at the beaver.>>

Iwata : Oh no ...
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Old Nov 19, 2003, 02:02 PM   #52
Nexus
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Re: Da Ultimately Sad SciFlicks SQUAD! Movie: The Big Sleep

*Back to Nex's dream world.
*Nex slowly walks through the forest when suddenly a giant bat kidnaps him and takes him to an evil lair.*

Nex:
Where am I...?

*A chair spins round and we see 3years.*

3years:
Welcome to my evil lair! MUWAHAHAHA!

Nex:
What the hell?! What are you doing in my dream?

3years:
I'm sorry, Nexus, but your dream was so boring, I just had to turn it into a nightmare. MUWAHAHAHA!

Nex:
But...how?

3years:
Let me tell you, Mr. Nexus - I'll tell you everything about my evil plan, even how it works, in this small area with no guards to stop you from escaping.

Nex:
Okay, go on.

3years:
After being bannished from the SciFlicks SQUAD!, I got myself lost in Bat Country and accidenly came across the Evil Fotress Of Ultimate Darkness. There, I got hold of the Ring Of Dreams, where I made myself the new Sandman. MUWAHAHAHA! I can now control everyone's dreams! Even Freddy Krueger can't stop me! To stop this, you must steal the Ring Of Dreams from my safe - the pin number is 666 - and destroy it at Mount Boob.

Nex:
Okay, but you're forgetting one thing - WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!

*3years spins round, Nex types in 666 in the safe and steals the ring.*

3years:
I don't see anything...

Nex:
Keep looking.

3years:
Okay.

*As 3years stares at the blank wall, Nex runs away with the ring.*
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Old Nov 19, 2003, 02:07 PM   #53
Splendiferous
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Re: Da Ultimately Sad SciFlicks SQUAD! Movie: The Big Sleep

<<Meanwhile, back in the real world, Iwata is lying on the floor trying to shake off the ravenous beaver eating his legs. Becks grabs Splend's shoulder>>

Becks : Didn't you hear the voice?!

Splend : You're mad, you hear voices!

Becks : No, it was the ship's voice - it said something about engaging a donut drive?

Splend : You're mad, there's no such thing.

<<The camera rises sligfhtly and there arew several flashing neon arrows and signs reading THIS WAY TO THE DONUT DRIVE>>
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Old Nov 19, 2003, 02:11 PM   #54
becks-orion
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1,175 flights since Oct 2003
Re: Da Ultimately Sad SciFlicks SQUAD! Movie: The Big Sleep

Becks screams in her head. silently. and then by the looks of those around her, probably not so silently.

Becks: I know donuts, i live and breathe them. It's calling to me...

Her voice fades out and there's a strange vacant look in her eyes. Splend instantly regrets the comment about her being mad. It seems everything he says comes true lately.

Iwata still struggles, but seems to be enjoying himself.
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Old Nov 19, 2003, 02:16 PM   #55
Splendiferous
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Re: Da Ultimately Sad SciFlicks SQUAD! Movie: The Big Sleep

<<Becks grabs hold of Splend and One... and pulls them in the direction of the Donut Drive. Suddenly, there is a crashing thud, followed by a thudding crash. the ship's hull peels open like an Alien egg-pod, and thousands of purple hamsters flood through, blasters firing. Iwata grabs the Beaver, throws her over his shoulder and runs after his fellow pilots.>>

Iwata : Wait for me!

Splend : Ok, so there IS a Donut Drive. What possible use could it be? How will we start it? Do YOU know how to start it?

<<Becks does not reply - the faraway look in her eyes is gone now, replaced by grim determination and a fiery sense of purpose. Splend and One aren't sure if this is an improvement ... >>
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Old Nov 19, 2003, 02:23 PM   #56
becks-orion
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1,175 flights since Oct 2003
Re: Da Ultimately Sad SciFlicks SQUAD! Movie: The Big Sleep

Splend and One wait as Becks starts to speak. Iwata catches up with them and notices that Becks eyes have taken on a rather unusual colour.

Becks: The time has come.

Waiting.

Splend: And?

Iwata: Does anybody else notice the funny sparks flashing off her..

She throws back her head and laughs, an evil laugh, much better than the MUWAHAHAHA! that the crazy guy in Noxious dream did, or so she thought. She screams like a banshee:

Donuts will rule the galaxy! And i shall be their Queen and you shall cower before me mere mortals! MUWAHAHAHA!

Then the beaver made it's last ditch attack.
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Old Nov 19, 2003, 02:43 PM   #57
Splendiferous
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Re: Da Ultimately Sad SciFlicks SQUAD! Movie: The Big Sleep

Splend : Why does our ship always pick up the crazies?

<<Becks gestures madly with her hand and Splend is swiftly buried under a suffocating mound of iced sugar glazing>>

Becks : Cray? Silence, worm! Dare you speak thus to your Goddess Queen?!

<<Iwata shakes his leg wildly, the beaver loses grip and flies across the room, smaking Becks in the face. One grabes a pistoil, picks up a donut off the floor and cries out.

One.. : Alright, nutso! One false move and the donut gets it!!

Iwata : I can't believce you said such cliched drivel ...

Splend : <<muffled>> Help ... me ...
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Old Nov 25, 2003, 08:43 AM   #58
The one......
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Re: Da Ultimately Sad SciFlicks SQUAD! Movie: The Big Sleep

BECKS: Oh nooooo you don't missy! I have the power to make you into a strawberry filled sugared one , so hand it here girlie, before it all gets messy.

ONE: Oh I don't think so. You bluff well, Queenie, but I can see beyond your facade!

Splend and Iwata look at each other with dismay as all the cliches tumble out of One's mouth

SPLEND: *whispering to Iwata* Please stop her, I can't bare to hear any more...

IWATA: *still concerned about his wooden legs and the beaver, rocks back and forth, contemplating his next move*


The beaver, a bit dazed from being thrown about, realises that Iwata's legs aren't an easy target and spies the donught in One's hand.

BEAVER: *makes chomping noises and darts for the donught, snatching it from One's grasp in mid air*
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Old Dec 11, 2003, 01:44 PM   #59
Kieraganion
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Re: Da Ultimately Sad SciFlicks SQUAD! Movie: The Big Sleep

Regaining consciousness, he looks around at the raging chaos of a ship that was once a quiet Soap Opra. "After all these years, I never thought it would come to this. But I can see no other way to end this..." He walks over to the central control panal and pushes the only red button on it, and starts the self destruct countdown. He then initiates the over-ride protection system." Jumping from the control panal to the floor, he takes a second and looks around, sighing, then walks off into the chaos as the computer starts to count down from 60. " There was no more options left, no other way..."
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Old Jan 13, 2004, 12:58 PM   #60
Splendiferous
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Re: Da Ultimately Sad SciFlicks SQUAD! Movie: The Big Sleep

(and now, a continuation )

<<Becks and the beaver are both scrabbling furiously for the donut, when suddenly a red light starts flashing, and the ship's voice speaks>>

Ship's Voice : Howdie-ho, squaddies! Just thought you should know, someone's activated the self-destruct sequence, the silly billies, so now the ship's gonna blow up in ... uh ... gee ... a couple of minutes I guess ... it's been nice knowin' y'all!

One : Iwata! You go deactivate the destruct system! Splend! Barricade that door before those purple hamsters get in here! I'll take care of Queen Dough here!

Splend : But how do you plan to defeat her?

One : I'll show you - I've been to america, you know ...

<<And with that cryptic comment, One draws her blaster, sets it to stun and shouts to Becks>>

One : Hey Queen! Look out - COFFEE!!!

Becks : Where!? Where?!

<<Fearful of getting dunked in coffee, Becks the Donut Queen drops the donut, ducks and covers. The Beaver takes a bite of the donut and turns into TWL again. One shoots Becks with the tun-blaster. The ship's voice whistles Auld Lange Syne to cheer the crew up.>>

One : Splend! How's things on the hamster front?

Splend : Thjey're ... gone ....

<<And, but for the whistling, silence reigned once more upon the ship...>>
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