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Old Jan 18, 2003, 03:31 PM   #61
Nexus
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Re: Oh no! Not another movie thread! That's right, it's NOT another movie thread

*Blade Runner-style music is heard for the credits. When the credits are over we see the inside of the Donut Warrior's Lost Temple.*

INT. DONUT WARRIOR'S LOST TEMPLE - NIGHT

*A lone adventurer stood at the door of the massive structure in the middle of the Jungle of Pilotsmessia. Erected long long ago (in the days before the attempts at usurption by the evil Sonny and 4years twins, and before The Great Stagnation of Offworldonium) by, it is rumoured, the Great Donut Warrior Himself, this deserted temple now stands silent, lost in the overgrown jungle of thread-trees.

The adventurer wiped the grime from the stone slab that served as a door to the Temple. This door, decorated by the image of a glowing man, shirt torn, chainsaw on one hand and a beauty by his side, had been sealed for many moons. Now, gripping the stone with two white-knuckled hands, the adventurer heaved it aside and ventured into the darkness.

In the great hall, the adventurer stood, head bowed. Wiping the cobwebs from his glasses and trenchcoat, he lit three torches in a triangle on the ground, and kneeled in the ornate pattern of a donut he had drawn on the floor.*

Splendo:
I'm here, old friend.

*Splendiferous' bumbling sidekick, Predn Gammy, arrives.*

Predn:
Right, Mr. Splendo. Let's get the Donut Warrior's treasure back.

Splendo:
Yes, Predn. According to this map all the evil in this world or something is inside The Black Gate. It is obvious that the people of The Black Gate stole Nex's treasure. Come, Predn, and together we shall be...The Fellowship Of The Donut Warrior's Lost Treasure.

Predn:
Too long.

Splendo:
Okay, okay...I've got one. Super-Powered English and Reckless Men! (pause) Unfortunately the acronym is SPERM.
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Old Jan 18, 2003, 03:39 PM   #62
Splendiferous
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Re: Oh no! Not another movie thread! That's right, it's NOT another movie thread

Pred : I don't want to be a sperm ... I don't like eggs.

Splend : What've eggs got to do with ... oh, I see. Ha ha, very funny. Onwards, Pred!

Pred : Hang on ...

Splend : What?

Pred : Why have we started the movie again from the start? Surely we had an over-extended pere-credits sequence, and now we're going to get on with the movie?

Splend : Hmmm ... must be a temporal anomaly.

Suddenly One rushes in.

One : <<panting>> Am I late for the proper start of the movie?

Splend : No, you're just in time. This time, let's stay away from the subway, eh guys? Maybe we'll have more success finding Nex's treasure - erm, and him too, of course.
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Old Jan 19, 2003, 02:57 AM   #63
Nexus
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Re: Oh no! Not another movie thread! That's right, it's NOT another movie thread

Predn:
Wow - the beginning is exactly the same except that me and One didn't appear at the right time...and the dialogue's different.

Splendo:
Yes, it's a slightly different movie.

Predn:
The camera's on.

Splend:
Wha - ? Oh sh*t...(cough) I mean it's a slightly different quest. Now...onto the Black gate!
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Old Jan 19, 2003, 06:38 AM   #64
Predalien
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Re: Oh no! Not another movie thread! That's right, it's NOT another movie thread

Splend: Okay then, if this is slightly different, it must be a slightly different adventure, yet connected. Hence the fact that we remember the other adventure

Predn: Okay then. Can I just point out that if this is the real adventure, then it's going to have to be a little more complex in terms of story

The one......: complex eh?

Predn: Yes. Complex

One: *claps hands*

Predn: What the....?

*5 red birds fly into the room and begin to circle arounf the one.*

One: No. 2, kill Predn

*A red bird leaves the pack and fires towards Predn. It cuts throught his bode like a gun*

Predn: Impressive

One: Why didn't it kill you?

Predn: I'm a ghost remember? I died in the pre-credit sequence

Splend: Right, well if we're all done with re-introducing ourselves...

One: Right. Let's continue...

*They walk on*
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Old Jan 19, 2003, 08:46 AM   #65
Splendiferous
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Re: Oh no! Not another movie thread! That's right, it's NOT another movie thread

Suddenly there is a bright flash of blue light, and a ghostly figure appears ...

All (except the figure) : The White Wizard!

Figure : No, just God.

Splend : God, eh? Well, if you're God, the what's the meaning of life?

Figure : Cheese.

Splend : Good God, it IS God!

The three adventurers drop to their knees. After a moment, Splend gets up and kicks God in the bollocks.

God : If I were mortal, that would have hurt like hell, and I'd have said ouch or something. but as it is, I'm not, so instead I'll say 'What the **** didja want to do THAT for?

Splend : Various theological reasons, foremost among them - why are Holy Books so open to interpretation?! Why couldn't you just -

One : Erm, Splend ...

Splend is still ranting, as God smiles benevolently.

Pred : Hey, Splend ...

Splend keeps ranting.

One and Pred : OI, SPLEND!!!

Splend : What?

Pred : Hadn't you better let God deliver the long, righteous speech he obviously needs to deliver in order for the plot to carry on?

Splend : <<sighs>> Oh well, if I must ...
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Old Jan 20, 2003, 09:32 AM   #66
Nexus
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Re: Oh no! Not another movie thread! That's right, it's NOT another movie thread

God:
You three are right. But you must infriltrate the Black Gate - hey, that rhymes! - and when you have destroyed it...the treasure is yours.

Splend:
Oh. Is that all?

God:
Yes. That is all.

Splend:
Well, sorry but I don't belive in -

God:
No! Don't say it!

Splend:
I don't -

God:
Sssssssh!

Splend:
I don't believe in God.

God:
Nooo -

*God vanishes.*

God:
(echo/off-screen) - oooooooooooooooooo!

Splend:
Right, now he's gone...let's journey to the Black Gate!
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Old Mar 2, 2003, 10:41 AM   #67
Splendiferous
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Re: Oh no! Not another movie thread! That's right, it's NOT another movie thread

One... : You fool, Splend! With your act of stubborn athiesm, you have damned us all!

Pred : Oh, lighten up, lady! We don't need a Supreme Deity poking his righteous all-knowing nose into our affairs, we can get along fine without gods. Bunch of clapped-up old wan-

<<There is a flash of lightning, and Pred is reduced to a crisp>>

God : I heard that.

Splend : Oh, this is just silly. God, I'm sorry I said I don't beleive in you, please turn Pred back into a person for us so we can get on with this quest for Nex's treasue - erm, and him too, of course.

One : Wouldn't it be better withoiut him?

Splend : Of course not! We'd have to lug a bloody great big urn around everywhere!

<<There is a flash of gninthgil and Pred is back to normal>>

Splend : Now maybe we can finally get this over wi -

<<The world ends>>
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Old Mar 2, 2003, 10:48 AM   #68
Predalien
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Re: Oh no! Not another movie thread! That's right, it's NOT another movie thread

A Voice: Bet you never saw that one coming...

<<End Credits>>

You were watching the worlds first movie that had a longer pre-credit sequence that post-credit sequence.

Hurrah!

A C.R.A.Production
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Old Mar 2, 2003, 10:54 AM   #69
Nexus
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Re: Oh no! Not another movie thread! That's right, it's NOT another movie thread

*Darkness. Suddenly a white light appears in the middle of the nothingness. Then the whiteness coveres up the screen and it fades out.
*Splend, Predn and The one....are lying on the floor of a room in Nex's castle. They get up and look around.*

Predn:
Where are we now?

*Nex enters.*

Splend/Predn/The one....:
NEX?!

Nex:
Now, you lot have a lot of explaining to do.

Splend:
God told us that we must destroy the Black Gate because it's filled with evil. And God hates it! Because it's evil. Which is why Go - oh, I'm going round in circles here.

Nex:
This is the Black Gate. I own it! It's guarding my temple.

Predn:
But God told us to -

Nex:
Yes, but he's God isn't he? You should destroy the White Gate temple!

Splend:
Where's that? And why's it evil?

Nex:
God loves it. It's completely white and is filled with Pop Music-loving teenyboppers and porn is forbidden. Oh, and there are fluffy bunny rabbits there.

*Predn, Splend and The one.... gasp. Splend pukes all over the floor. Then Splend walks up to Nex, the Donut Warrior.*

Splend:
(disgusted and outraged) Map.

Nex:
Certainly.

*Nex gives Splend the map and they walk off.*

EXT. BLACK GATE - NIGHT

*Predn, Splend and The one.... leave and follow the map. In the distance, you can see the White Gate, Gate of Evil.*

Narrator:
And so they journey to destroy the Gate of Evil - the White Gate...

*Fade to Black.*

TO BE CONTINUED...
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Old Mar 2, 2003, 10:58 AM   #70
Predalien
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Re: Oh no! Not another movie thread! That's right, it's NOT another movie thread

A word from the director:

On behalf of myself and the entire crew, I would like to take this oppurtunity to apologise for adding the actual ending to the film after the end credits. For all those that left the cinema during said credits - I send my deepest sympathy. Oh f*ck it! If you left, you're not going to hear me say this are you?

tar tar

~Director Martin Scorcese
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Old Mar 2, 2003, 02:24 PM   #71
Splendiferous
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Re: Oh no! Not another movie thread! That's right, it's NOT another movie thread

<<Right at the very end, a message flashes on the screen in bright neon blue ...>>


SPLEND, PRED, ONE... AND NEX WILL RETURN IN ... SPLEND'S MOVIE II : THE TWO GATES!
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