Go Back   Home > SciFlicks SQUAD! Forums > Sci-Fi Nation > Fan/Original Fiction

Welcome to the SciFlicks SQUAD! Forums.

You are currently viewing our community boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions, articles and access our other FREE features. By joining our free and open-minded sci-fi community you will be able to start and reply to forum discussions, write movie reviews, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!

If you have any problems with the registration process or with your account please contact support here.

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old Mar 3, 2007, 11:02 AM   #1
Recruit Pilot
13 flights since Jan 2007
A beginning of a novel I plan to write

Four hours ago a boy was dragged kicking and screaming into our education block. He had known his mother and father; for some reason he wanted to stay with them. I will never really understand that.
I think they put him in for some kind of conditioning. Not really sure. I suppose if they didn’t, they should have; but I know it doesn’t matter what happened to him, as long as he isn’t here. I mean, we’re still perfect. I’m fine. We’re fine, so there’s nothing to worry about. If it made an impact we’d know, but… this was just a usual defect. They come from time to time and then tend to pass. Like illness. But we’ve pretty much eradicated that too. And we’ll eradicate this soon, I’m sure. All the outliers and the anomalies and the imperfections, blemishes, shortcomings, flaws and deficiencies will die out, wash away, expire. Time has shown that already. In the years since I was born there’s been a declining number in irregularities. There might have been ten a week when I was eight. Today I see about one or two a month.
If you look at a set of data, results taken from an experiment, and draw them out on a number scale, you’ll begin to see a majority of it all center around one area, and one or two results will waver at the edge. They will congregate away from the majority, and, in all data analysis, they are removed. The question is of course, how far to go with this. Does one simply remove the most out-of-sorts result? Or does one go further; being ruthless and removing many until only a few remain? Of course; that choice isn’t proper scientific method. It is standard procedure only to remove the most anomalous result/s.
The reason I mention this is to explain one thing: In our social order, our great unconquerable machine, we’re not like a set of results. We have the power to remove all anomalies, and remain only with one, perfect consequence. And that is because we know the perfect result. The old way was to allow form mishaps…freaks…idiots, because the leaders themselves were too small minded to yet know the perfect system, the ultimate choice. They allowed imperfection, as we do not. Where we smash and purge it, they permitted it with a pathos and neglect that is nauseating to us.
For the child I bear no sympathy. Love of a parent is not a love that will endure. It lacks longevity. It…bears no consequence to the collective mind, it…does no service. If it does no service to the collective mind then what use is it at all? Love of this state, this time period, this ever lasting unchanging peace….that’s love. This love does a real good, and it’s an adoration everyone shares. It is… worship. Not the worship in some meaningless individual. Not the worship of some imaginary deity, some statue on a pedestal that grows old and harvests lichen, but the worship of the collective working as one. The worship of our kind having finally conquered nature, conquered insanity, having finally conquered ourselves.
We know there were once glitches within our psyche, within our body. Of course there were. But that was a long time ago. It was in the times when we relied on progress. Did we not ever realise that humanity was progressing to nowhere? It was trawling freely amid the universe…hoping to some day find a pretty…beautiful star. They had no direction, no surety. They were always looking ahead. But they were climbing an un-climbable mountain. All they had to do was stop.
Fortunately we’ve done what they should have done a long time ago. Our society is at a rigid, eternal standstill. All that was needed to ensure this was a little confidence. A little bravery to shackle one’s brothers…to demolish the glitches.
It is…not taught to us much how this world came to be. Not the world we shared with the old, dim humans. I mean this world, this faultless world. They don’t often explain to us why or how it has come to exist…I think it would upset us. We’d have to learn again about some of the resistance there was when our society homed into view. I don’t think I’d really want to know about that at all. After all, it’s “live for now” or “die for the past”, right?

I apologise. I am not doing us justice here. I will continue to try nonetheless. And I shall enjoy it. Oh. I see the time. The bell for sleep will come soon.
Thankyou, Machine for bestowing unto me this privilege of writing.
I sign off.

Ah, synthetic light.
The symbol of a civilization in control of its own environment. Light brings truth to the forefront. Petty outliers scuttle unnoticed in the darkness no more. Their transgressions will be exposed bare in front of the blinding illumination and they shall quiver, naked and hapless. Video monitors will flash and bleep with alarm and within seconds a group of stony faced, silent men will swiftly and simply tow them away into an unknown space and all of their self but them demise will be lost forever.
History is written by the winners. We only let the superior, the morally perfect people win, and so it follows that all modern history is precise and ethically pure. This light I speak of…it met me this morning, it met us all in fact, and opened our eyes up to the new day and the same world. White walls reflected it around and within thirty minutes the world was awake, smiling…
T strolled past a picture we have in our dorm of AA001, the head of the school, and above it the glorious image of One. T turned and looked at it. He spoke, his eyes transfixed on the wall painting.
“Do you think, M, or I mean…have you ever thought about what it would be like to speak to One?” T asked in a daze.
I didn’t answer. It was obvious.
“…Because I was just thinking about that. Imagining speaking to him, I mean.”
“Mmm,” I muttered in agreement.
“Don’t you think that would be great?”
“Well of course it would. It’s hardly worth asking at all, it’d be wonderful.”
“Mhm. Yep. I was just wondering what I’d say to him, really. Probably thank you. Yes, that’s probably what I’d say to him. Except in a more praising way. Like saying thank you in a worshiping way. Know what I mean?”
“Yes, indeed.”
“Hmm. Imagine that happening…wow. Well anyway, I’ll talk to you later.” T strolled off. I think he talks about that stuff more than he realises.
It was a leisure day, so we had some free time to get extra sleep, talk and maybe get entertainment in the basement. I went down with T to see one of the movies later that day. I think the one we saw was called “Society Battle Showdown”. Excellent idea for a film, it was. There was a group of enemies of the state trying to brutally kill One. There were about four battles in it; one was with fists, another with swords, the third with guns and the fourth with war machinery as a final face-off. It all rounded up very well with a song and a glorious triumph for One and The Machine.
T seemed to enjoy the film very much as well. The day passed quickly with the normal one hour midday meal in the provisions center, after which we headed back with F to the dorm. Soon after we arrived, T was talking about One again.
“So what I was thinking, F, is if you met One, what would you say?” F was our other roommate . She was listening intently.
“Oh well, I think I’d definitely have to praise him for all his work…in securing us safely in this school and giving us this perfect world.”
“Exactly! That’s exactly what I was thinking!” T sat next to F, excited. “I knew you’d agree.”
I was sitting writing. F called to me. “What would you say, M? To One?”
“Probably that as well. That’s what I’d say,” I answered.
“But imagine if we really did meet him…” T continued. Their voices trailed off and I continued typing away at this. It was about ten minutes before I swiveled my head around and interrupted them.
“But what did you think to that defect yesterday?” I asked.
“Look’s like he got a right kicking,” T responded. “But let’s not talk about that,” T responded and continued talking to F. He was probably right. Best not to think about the defect too much- sadness isn’t a virtue. Of course, if we ever do get gloomy, the drugs are always there.
F pricked her head up a minute later. “Why, are you writing about that or something?”
“Well, I was. I’m writing about a lot here. Everything I can get down.”
“I suppose it’s another way of worship, isn’t it? Worship for One?”
“Oh yes! Definitely! Well, that’s wonderful! Can I have a look?”
The buoyant F sprung up from her bed and started examining the screen. I was a bit nervous about showing it to her. The writing wasn’t perfect at all and I hadn’t planned on anyone seeing it until I’d completed the full volume. Although…I couldn’t say no. There’s no reason to hide anything, is there?
. “Ooh good. Interesting,” She said ecstatically as he started springing his head around the screen, pointing at bits, scanning for words. “But I think you should change that bit there to…And I think you should put this instead of…” rapidly she tapped around on the screen, changing parts and giving orders until she’d altered a lot of the original text to words she liked more. Finally she said, “Yes very good. Well done, M!” And scampered away back to her bed.
It was a little disheartening to have her do that. I’m not the best of writers…no, she was right. It was shabby. I felt shabby. I shook the feeling off with a few doses of something from the drugs cabinet. Ah, bright intoxication. I shall write more of this tomorrow. Of the vistas of peace…of the growth of seedlings…
Praise be to One’s Machine for bestowing unto me this privilege of writing.
I sign off.

It's far from perfect but please do tell me what you think. Cheers!
THX is offline Reply With Quote
Old Aug 28, 2007, 08:49 PM   #2
mack's Avatar
1,988 flights since Dec 2002
Location: Planet Earth
Re: A beginning of a novel I plan to write

We know there were once glitches within our psyche, within our body. Of course there were. But that was a long time ago. It was in the times when we relied on progress. Did we not ever realise that humanity was progressing to nowhere? It was trawling freely amid the universe…hoping to some day find a pretty…beautiful star. They had no direction, no surety. They were always looking ahead. But they were climbing an un-climbable mountain. All they had to do was stop.

you say first "we" and "our", but quickly pivot to "they". intriguing transition. does it mean the writer was previously human. Is no longer human?

Ok-having read all of it, it almost feels like an Equilibrium story, complete with the writer finally discovering (at some later date) that he, too, is flawed and will "defect."

Oh, and loved the shameless plug for anti-editing.
mack is offline Reply With Quote

← Previous Thread | Next Thread → Home > SciFlicks SQUAD! Forums > Sci-Fi Nation > Fan/Original Fiction

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Similar Threads
My fan fiction all done and a thread for any of you to post fan fiction
I have written allot. I have a thread for you users if you have any fan fiction that you'd like to write. I am not profiting from the un originals. I...
Demolition Man and Star Wars fan fiction (they are all ideas for writers)
Demolition Man Fan Fiction Demolition Man: Character Prequel Tales (The Demolition Man Character Prequel Novel) Part 1: John Spartan Prequel Plot...
Star Wars fan fiction (ideas for writers on novels and comics) of 7/29/03
Star Wars Fan Fiction Jedi Tales Star Wars: Jedi vs. Sith Tales Bontu Sitmus vs. Darth Bane Set 1,000 BBY set a millennium before The Phantom...
Demolition Man and Star Wars saga ideas to writers
This thread is being deleted by me.
Ideas for comic books/graphic novels to be made
(The Demolition Man Graphic Novel Trilogy) Demolition Man: The Demolition Man with the LA PD rookie (part 1 of the graphic novel...
Be the
First to
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:01 PM.
SciFlicks cannot be held liable for the opinions expressed in these public forums.
SciFlicks Copyright © 1998-2011, Popcorn Studios.
vBulletin Copyright © 2000-2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.