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Old Nov 20, 2005, 05:22 PM   #1
Splendiferous
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Location: Dreaming in plush R'lyeh
The Chillingly Terrifying Sciflicks Movie of the Night ...

It's been a while since the last popular one of these, so why not start a new one, eh?

<<It is a dark and stormy night somewhere in the North of England. Across the bleak, desloate moors there is not a speck of movement. Except wait - yes there is. Two figures in the distance pick their way across the landscape. Tere is a slow camera zoom towards them, but they're so far away the director decides to cut to the two figures to save time.>>

Splend : ... of course, we COULD have taken the train. we COULD have caught a taxi. we COULD have ridden in the back of the sheep van with those nice Aerican lads.

Nex : Shut up.

Splend : But no, you just HAD to have us trudging across the moors at midnight on a dark and stormy night, eh? In the freezing cold.

Nec : Shut up.

Splend : In the galeforce winds.

Nex : Shut up.

Splend : With frostbite nipping away at our -

<<Nex punches Splend in the mouth, and they trudge on in silence. In the distance, a wolf howls>>

Nex : Funny, I didn't think there were any wolves left in England.

<<Splend nurses a bloody nose and refuses to answer, sulking Nex sighs>>

Nex : If you're going to be childish I hope that some other regular characters turn up in this or this'll be like one of those french films with the long silent scenes. you know the type? Eh? Eh, Splend?

<<Splend mutters something that sounds like 'pretentious pillock' under his breath and keeps trudging>>

Last edited by Splendiferous : Dec 3, 2005 at 10:40 AM.
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Old Nov 20, 2005, 05:30 PM   #2
Nexus
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Location: Seraph's pocket
Re: The Chillingly Terrifying Sciflicks Movie of the Night ...

*Nex and Splend walk across the desolate moors for about ten minutes - a brilliantly chilling, atmospheric sequence with breath-taking cinematography and an experimental soundtrack. Unfortunately, we're working under a Hollywood Studio, so this sequence is later cut down in the editing room and we get a montage of boobies and explosions instead.

*Finally, Nex and Splend come across Bob, who has wild, staring eyes and deathly pale skin. Since this is Bob, he will require no make-up for that.*

Nex:
Excuse me, sir, could you direct us to Innsmouth?

Bob:
(getting hysterical) Innsmouth? Innsmouth?!

Splend:
Yes, Innsmouth.

Bob:
(back to normal) Keep walking up ahead, and turn left.

Nex:
Oh. Er, thanks. What a strange man...
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Old Nov 20, 2005, 05:54 PM   #3
Seraph
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Re: The Chillingly Terrifying Sciflicks Movie of the Night ...

I'm supposed to be going to bed
__________


Seraph leaned down to change tracks on her nano, fingers frozen together she grasped at the music player, the car swerved dangerously towards the bushes.

"Bollocks!" hands quickly returned to the steering wheel "Wait a go Seraph," she muttered, "You haven't seen a road sign or even a house for miles, it's pitch black, you haven't a flippin' clue where you are, it's practically artic outside and you almost crash. Bloody Genius."

The car pulled over carefully to the side. Shaking, she pulled out a cigarette and slowly sparked up. Exhaling, she checked her phone for the tenth time, still no signal. Typical. Something howls in the distance. She blinks.

"God damn sodding network! Of all the times to cut out! I'm lost in the middle of no where, it's bloody freezing, I can't see for ****, despite the fact there's a full moon, summit's making noises that it really shouldn't be making, and I've GOT NO SODDIN SIGN-" she stopped, "Full moon? Oh so not-. Nah that would just be stupid, must be stupid, silly stupid, just worked up because I almost crashed on a tiny back water lane, in the middle of no where, in pitch black, where I've seen no signs of civilisation for over an hour, where something how- made a funny noise and it just happens to be a full moon. Conincidence, just coincidence."
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Old Nov 20, 2005, 05:56 PM   #4
Splendiferous
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3,132 flights since Mar 2002
Location: Dreaming in plush R'lyeh
Re: The Chillingly Terrifying Sciflicks Movie of the Night ...

<<Nex and Splend pause for a moment to gather their bearings>>

Splend : I can't BELIEVE you dropped these ball bearings all over the place!

Nex : I can't believe you'd use such an awful pun.

Splend : Really?

Nex : No, not really, I should have seen it coming.

<<The last of the bearings is put into Nex's backpack, which he hoists onto his shoulder. He looks up and notes the full moon.>>

Nex : Full moon tonight.

Splend : Thank you, Captain Obvious. What next? "Hmm, it's a bit chilly? Oh, it's a bit damp? My, it's very -

<<Nex socks Splend again, and after this unspeakable abuse they resume their trudging in silence>>





EDIT : No, this is better than bed ... marginally, anyway, get a duvet and sit at your computer all night!

Last edited by Splendiferous : Dec 3, 2005 at 10:41 AM.
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Old Nov 20, 2005, 06:01 PM   #5
Seraph
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2,121 flights since Feb 2003
Location: Somewhere between Lucifer and Limbo
Re: The Chillingly Terrifying Sciflicks Movie of the Night ...

Seraph sighed. Nothing for it but to go back to that wierd-arse village she'd passed over an hour before. This was the last time she would ever agree to go to a house party in the back of beyond, even if it was supposed to be a murder mystery.
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Old Nov 20, 2005, 06:16 PM   #6
Nexus
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Location: Seraph's pocket
Re: The Chillingly Terrifying Sciflicks Movie of the Night ...

From The Journal of Nexus Harker

It's silly o'clock on the metaphorical, fine line between night and day. In other words, I have absolutely no idea what time it is, nor do I know where we are. Oh, I miss my darling Mina so dearly, so perhaps I should doodle a picture of her in the back of his journal, which won't be difficult, since I originally met her on a badly-drawn hentai website.

It's so cold that not only had I embarassingly mistaken Splend's shivering and teeth chattering for the sound of rapid helicopter blades, but my hands are frozen stiff (which is why I'm typing this with my tongue).

Last night, I had another one of my dreams. I was flying to the the FF'Schuloo'Nkh, which roughly translates to the Land of Nocturnal Pizza, while simultaneously swimming through eternal candy floss. Eventually, I arrived at the tenebrous Tomb of Soddoff and a maddeningly large, eldritch Bunny said in a cosmic voice and accent, "42" and I woke up, only to find myself lying naked on the local supermarket floor, surrounded by half-eaten jammy doughnuts. A truly harrowing experience, yes, but at least it wasn't as bad as the inflatable sheep incident from the night before.

Anyway, we're near that arcane, cryptic, esoteric and mystifyingly necromantic, unfathomable and unknowable, village. On our way, we saw a car speeding past, driven by what looks like a psychotic paranoiac who was screaming, almost incomprehensibly, "Coincidence, coincidence, AAAAIIIEEEE!!!"
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Old Nov 20, 2005, 06:23 PM   #7
Splendiferous
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3,132 flights since Mar 2002
Location: Dreaming in plush R'lyeh
Re: The Chillingly Terrifying Sciflicks Movie of the Night ...

<<Splend glances at Nexus who is writing a journal with his tongue andis shakes his head pityingly when the car whizzes by, drenching the two travellers in freezing cold muddy water>>

Splend : (shouting after the car) Thanks a lot, lady! That's just what we needed, to be covered in freezing cold filthy water on a night like this! I mean, of all the inconsiderate acts of gratiuiblah blah blah...

<<As Splend rants incoherantly, Nex gaes at the speeding car with some interest.>>

Nex : It's headed for that village on the hill over there.

Splend : ... and I'm sure there are leeches in these bloody puddles, I can feel them now, sucking away at my brains!

Nex : Too right, mate, too right. Let's follow these tyre tracks and have words with that maniac.

<<Another howl fills the night as a flash of lightning fills the sky, bathing the town in an eerie glow>>

Last edited by Splendiferous : Dec 3, 2005 at 10:42 AM.
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Old Nov 20, 2005, 06:40 PM   #8
Seraph
....
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Location: Somewhere between Lucifer and Limbo
Re: The Chillingly Terrifying Sciflicks Movie of the Night ...

Seraph pulled into the village and noticed a dim light glowing from a Shop window. She grabbed her handbag and stepped outside, checking the boot to see the vodka was still intact, she locked up and tottered over the dimly glowing window.

As she approached the door swung mysteriously open. Peering into the gloom, she stepped gingerly inside.

"Er..hello?"

A lone figure was hunched over what must pass for the checkout. Somewhere behind her, a low voice hissed, "Are you local?"

She swung round and saw nothing behind her, the door had shut.

"Erm sorry, what?"

"This is a local shop for local people." Something clanked, she swung back to the checkout, the figure hadn't moved.

As she backed towards the door, the howling began again...
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Old Nov 20, 2005, 06:51 PM   #9
Splendiferous
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3,132 flights since Mar 2002
Location: Dreaming in plush R'lyeh
Re: The Chillingly Terrifying Sciflicks Movie of the Night ...

<<As Nex and Splend approach the first building in the village, a great solid block of a building with a dimly lit shop window outside of which the offending car was parked, Nex nudged Splend.>>

Nex: (Pointing offscreen) Look at that.

<<The camera pans in the direction of Nex's pointing and reveals a small crowd of people gathered around an ambulance that has been parked on the moor. Nex and Splend approach with interest and see two paramedics loading a badly mauled person into the back of the ambulance.>>

Splend : What's happened here?

<<One of the villages shrugs>>

Villager : Two American t'lads were attacked on t'moors. Looks like t'work of a scaped loony t'me.

<<Nex stares blankly at the villager, who shuffles his feet and says 'Oh ah' a couple of times>>

Paramedic 1 : Off to t'York Ospital, is it?

Paramedic 2 : Naw, we'll tek im to London.

Splend : Isn't that an insanely long way away? Surely he'll be dead by the time you get there ...

<<Both Paramedics and all the villages scowl at Splend. Nex starts plucking at Splend's sleeve>>

Nex : Let's get going ... nice to meet you all ... come on ...

<<They head over to the car and peer inside>>

Nex : Nothing worth nicking.

<<There is an uncomfortable silence>>

Nex: What? I was only saying ... oh, never mind, let's have a look in the shop.

<<They go over and try the handle - it appeas to be jammed. Nex hammers on the doors and calls 'Hulllooo? Anyone in there? Hulloooo?' Splend peers through the window into the shadowy interior>>

Splend : I can just about make out a couple of figures in there ... if only there was some way in so we could satisfy our morbid and possibly fatally stupid curiosity ... you still got that chainsaw in your backpack Nex?

<<Nex grins>>





EDIT : It's cold and late and I'm a nasty old hypocrite - I'm off to bed!

Last edited by Splendiferous : Dec 3, 2005 at 10:44 AM.
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Old Nov 20, 2005, 07:12 PM   #10
Seraph
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Location: Somewhere between Lucifer and Limbo
Re: The Chillingly Terrifying Sciflicks Movie of the Night ...

Seraph's eyes slowly opened, god her head hurt. Pitch black, great, well worth the painfull eye opening then. She went to move and realised that she couldn't, she was sitting on something, a chair probably, but her hands were bound behind her.

"Crap."
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Old Nov 21, 2005, 06:02 AM   #11
Nexus
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3,648 flights since Dec 2001
Location: Seraph's pocket
Re: The Chillingly Terrifying Sciflicks Movie of the Night ...

*Nex charges into room, his chainsaw cutting down the door, and stabs some guy in the back with it, blood spewing everywhere. Seraph is sitting in a chair, tied up.*

Splend:
I said destroy the door, not kill somebody!

Seraph:
Thank God, you rescued me - that psycho tried to do some weird voodoo ritual on me, and bashed my head in with a rubber duck.

Nex:
(untying her) Who was he?

Seraph:
Some psycho. He told me he killed his wife and she's buried behind that wall - and a black cat, too, I think.

Cat:
(off-screen) Meow.

Splend:
Let's get out of here, I hear someone coming!

Woman:
(off-screen) Humphrey? Are you there, son? I made you your tea and biscuits!

*Nex, Splend and Seraph climb out through the window.
*Cut to: Fulci's pub.*

Seraph:
Right, let's get pissed.

Splend:
At least the doctor said you're all right.

Nexus:
I wouldn't trust that Dr. Cronenberg...he seemed quite strange and suspicious...

Splend:
This bar and even whole village is strange and suspicious...
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Old Nov 21, 2005, 07:35 AM   #12
Iwata
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Location: Helghan
Re: The Chillingly Terrifying Sciflicks Movie of the Night ...

Another boring night. You know, when Iwata decided to be a cop, he never figured he'd end up in some lousy woods, trying to stop the squirrels from raping bunnies, or the bears from getting mugged by some bloody aardvark.

As Iwata's patrol car raced down the dark road through the woods, a reflection off his headlight beams ahead caught his attention.

A car.

Turning on his siren and lights (he loved doing that), Iwata stops his car and steps out.

It was a compact, really not built for this kind of terrain, so what the hell is it doing here? Shrouded in darkness, it was hard to see if there was anyone inside.

"Hello?"

No answer.

Iwata pullls out his flashlight and approaches the driver's window.

No one inside.

"Another ******* dumping his ****ing car in the ****ing woods for ****ing insurance scams, or whatever. Probably just stepped out so he can go **** his sister. Mutha****ahs..."

With his flashlight up, he takes a look around. Trees, trees and more trees. Except for the road, everything else was a mas of darkness with lots of wood in it. If the driver had gone into that place, well, too bad. He sure wasn't going after him. It's creepy.

Turning his back to the woods, he decides to check the car, when he hears a noise behind him.

Suddenly he felt very cold. A piercing cold. And hey, he couldn't move. That was odd.

In the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of something shiny. He looked down, and saw something weird: there were about 10cms of shiny, red-tinted, pointy metal sticking out of his chest.

"... hey..."

He reached down for his pistol, but everything turned dark. The trees were dancing around him, in a beautiful red-&-blue strobbing light.

So pretty.

"... ack..."

And then the lights went out altogether.
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Old Nov 21, 2005, 09:32 AM   #13
Nexus
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Location: Seraph's pocket
Re: The Chillingly Terrifying Sciflicks Movie of the Night ...

*Nex is chatting to a drunk in Fulci's pub.*

Drunk:
Ye took her to Dr. Cronenberg? Naaah - he's ruckin' fubbish, he is. Y'know what he said to me when I formed a vagina in my stomach one evenin'? He said, he said..."You've obviously been watchin' too much TV!" Now kinda advice is that? So I said, "I want a second bloody opinion," and...and...

*Traditional horror film villager enters pub.*

Villager:
It's Iwata! He -

Everyone:
Iwata? The Iwata?

Splend:
Now, that's creepy - they all said that at the same time?

Seraph:
The, the Iwata? I've always wanted to meet him! I hear he's so dreamy!

Villager:
He...he's dead.

*All the women in the bar burst into tears.*

Nex:
What could have killed him?

Villager:
(tuts sarcasticly) Whaddya mean 'what -'

*Bartender Fulci points and mouths the words, "Tourist!"*

Villager:
Oh. Right. I mean...(monotone/bad acting) I do not know. This sort of thing never, ever happens here In Innsmouth. You are safe here. Have a good night.

*Villager leaves the pub. Very awkward silence. Everyone rushes outside to check out Iwata's body...*
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Old Nov 21, 2005, 12:21 PM   #14
Splendiferous
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Location: Dreaming in plush R'lyeh
Re: The Chillingly Terrifying Sciflicks Movie of the Night ...

<<Nex, Serraph and splend sit at their table nursing their pints in the now-empty pub>>

Splend : Hey, the landlord's gone off with all those locals ... let's get a free round in!

Seraph : (shocked) You can't do that! you can't jst nip back behind the counter and take what you want!

Splend : Why not? Give me one good reason not to that's not based on some code of ethics or morals that were laid down thousands of years ago to provide murderers and briugands with an excuse to legalise what they're doing and limit what everyone else can do?

<<Pause>>

Seraph : Mine's a bitter.

Nex : There's no time for this, we have a mystery on our hands! Who killed THE Iwata, local cop extraordinaire? What was the dark purpose behind the voodoo rituals in that little shop that the man with the sharp teeth ran? And why did Dr Cronenberg charge us 66.60 for a routine check-up?

<<There is another flash of lightning followed by some chilling cello music as the door is thrust open and the landlord lurches in. Splend quickly sits back down on his stool.>>

Last edited by Splendiferous : Dec 3, 2005 at 10:45 AM.
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Old Nov 21, 2005, 12:30 PM   #15
Iwata
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Re: The Chillingly Terrifying Sciflicks Movie of the Night ...

"... gasp..."

"... cough..."

"... ack..."

"... Rosebud..."
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