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Old Jan 2, 2003, 03:29 PM   #1
Splendiferous
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3,132 flights since Mar 2002
Location: Dreaming in plush R'lyeh
Oh no! Not another movie thread! That's right, it's NOT another movie thread

Ok, I'm lying, yes it is. I pilfered this from a post by ... em ... me ... in the C H A T thread, where it was a joke about how dead the thread became. Nex said it was good enough for a movie. Grab your popcorn and your mouses (mice?) - Roll the movie!

<<An old, pre-post-apocalyptic-type newsreel is flashed, upside down on the screen, depicting the evil, hideous, twisted face of sonny. the upside down words "Have you seen this man? If so, do not attempt to intercept him, just contact your local authorities. Known aliases include 4years and Perserverance" flash onscreen before the projector is turned off. Swearing is heard from the projectionist, as the correct reel is forcibly pushed into the machine, which bursts into flames. There is a massive pause while a new projector is purchased, ordered, sent for from Japan and assembled from tiny screws and a Sri Lankan set of instructions. In this pause, the managers wish they could apologise for the inconvenience, but they've all come down with a bad case of not giving a damn, so they won't. So there. And now, the movie>>




The lone adventurer stood at the door of the massive structure in the middle of the Jungle of Pilotsmessia. Erected long long ago (in the days before the attempts at usurption by the evil Sonny and 4years twins, and before The Great Stagnation of Offworldonium) by, it is rumoured, the Great Donut Warrior Himself, this deserted temple now stands silent, lost in the overgrown jungle of thread-trees.

The adventurer wiped the grime from the stone slab that served as a door to the Temple. This door, decorated by the image of a glowing man, shirt torn, chainsaw on one hand and a beauty by his side, had been sealed for many moons. Now, gripping the stone with two white-knuckled hands, the adventurer heaved it aside and ventured into the darkness.

In the great hall, the adventurer stood, head bowed. Wiping the cobwebs from his glasses and trenchcoat, he lit three torches in a triangle on the ground, and kneeled in the ornate pattern of a donut he had drawn on the floor.

"I'm here, old friend," said Splendiferous.
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Old Jan 2, 2003, 03:37 PM   #2
Predalien
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Re: Oh no! Not another movie thread! That's right, it's NOT another movie thread

Predalien runs up from behind and knocks him over. He is dressed in nothing more than a piece of string...the weird little weird.

But it doesn't matter, the temple has been opened, and Predn should definitely NOT be there.


BTW, if you want me to delete this post, i will, as it is somewhat crap.
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Old Jan 2, 2003, 03:45 PM   #3
Splendiferous
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Re: Oh no! Not another movie thread! That's right, it's NOT another movie thread

Foreword : Hell no, mate, keep it. Short, but plot worthy.

Splend rolls, and rises into a crouch, snarl on his face, hand at his holster. As soon as he sees who it is, though, he stops.

"You?" he asks. "Pred. Welly welly welly well." He stands, dusts his coat off, and stares into Pred's eyes.

"Long time no see. What are you doing here? This is a private matter, between old friends, sat on a bench like bookends."

Pred shakes his head. "Simon and Garfunkel? Man, you're getting old ..."
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Old Jan 2, 2003, 03:50 PM   #4
Predalien
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Re: Oh no! Not another movie thread! That's right, it's NOT another movie thread

Splendi: No my friend...I'm just cultured, something you wouldn't know much about

Predn: *groans* so? why you here?

Splendi: I can't tell you that? And how exactly are you wearing that string like that?

Predn: Never mind that...and remember, keep your hands to yourself

Splendi: *blushes*

Predn: Anyway, I'm gonna do something I will enjoy

Splendi: Huh?

Predn throws rock at bronze statue
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Old Jan 2, 2003, 03:53 PM   #5
Splendiferous
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3,132 flights since Mar 2002
Location: Dreaming in plush R'lyeh
Re: Oh no! Not another movie thread! That's right, it's NOT another movie thread

"No!" cries Splend, throwing himself before the statue. "I cannot allow you to defile - ow! To defi -ow! To - ow! Stop throwing those ****in rocks, man!"

Pred, unheeding, continues to defile the Donut Warriors Temple.
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Old Jan 2, 2003, 04:06 PM   #6
Predalien
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Re: Oh no! Not another movie thread! That's right, it's NOT another movie thread

The walls can't take it, they crumble and twist and finally, to the shock of Splendiferous, one collapses.

What is unearthed is a corridor, leading to darkness

"Erm...." remarks Predn

"You found the secret passage, people have been searching for that for years"

"They didn't look very hard did they?"

"Who cares...let's have an adventure!"

Sound of audience shouting boo!...and some shushes of course
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Old Jan 2, 2003, 04:11 PM   #7
Splendiferous
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Re: Oh no! Not another movie thread! That's right, it's NOT another movie thread

Suddenly, the director comes out, with the poor monkey who's chained to a typewriter on a lead.

"Hi everybody! Just want you to know that this movie's being written by the same gang who ghost wrote for Enid Blyton - allowing us to spend more money on getting big black cadillacs for the cast and crew!"

A member of People Against Corny Lines appears, shoots the director, frees the monkey and yells "get on with the movie!"



Splend and Pred enter the passageway, carrying torches. Splend is unwilling at first to leave the safety of his donut symbol, but since Pred had licked the jam off the floor he had no choice. They walked on into darkness.

"Damn, these shadows are scary."

"Yes, Pred, but as two mature adults, I'm sure we can - did you fart?"

"No, I didn't."

"Just checking."

"But it really does smell of poo in here, eh?"

"Heheh - you said poo! Hey, The Lost Temple of the Donut Warrior does NOT smell of poo, heathen!"

There is a slight scuffle in which Splen receives a brusied forearm, and Pred loses his string, and needs to cover his shame with a tuxedo lying handily on the passegway floor.

"Humph. Show off," grumps Splend.

Last edited by Splendiferous : Jan 2, 2003 at 04:24 PM.
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Old Jan 2, 2003, 04:24 PM   #8
Predalien
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Re: Oh no! Not another movie thread! That's right, it's NOT another movie thread

"Anyway, of course I didn't fart" continues Predn "I'm a respectable Mandroid"

"Droid?"

"Oh...I mean of honour...Man of Honour"

"I see, so why are you here anyway?"

"I followed you from England"

"You followed me half way around the world?"

"Yep"

"How did you afford it"

"With the gold watch you gave me"

"I didn't give you that"

"Well have it back then, here you go" Predn hands him the watch

"Erm, if you still have the watch then how..."

"What?"

"Never mind...look there's some writing on this wall"

Last edited by Predalien : Jan 4, 2003 at 09:03 AM.
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Old Jan 2, 2003, 04:29 PM   #9
Splendiferous
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3,132 flights since Mar 2002
Location: Dreaming in plush R'lyeh
Re: Oh no! Not another movie thread! That's right, it's NOT another movie thread

"Look," says Splend, "it's the words of the prophets! This must be a subway, or a tenemant hall, and since I don't know what a tenemant hall is, it must be a subway!"

Pred shakes his head at the continuing nods to S & G. "But why would there be a subway under such a terrible place as this?"

"Ok, first of all, this place is not terrible, it's holy. Second, it was put up by my old friend Nex, bless his absent soul, so anything goes. Thirdly, I'm looking for both him and his Solid gold copy of the Necronomicon Ex Mortis, and fourthly you can't come with. Push off!"
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Old Jan 2, 2003, 04:33 PM   #10
Predalien
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Re: Oh no! Not another movie thread! That's right, it's NOT another movie thread

"What? But I'm your best friend!"

"No you're not!"

"Well...for the purposes of this conversation, I'm your best friend"

Splendiferous considers the pros and cons of Predn hitching along

"You'll be lonely without me" Predn says, and walks up to Splendi

"I don't know...erm"

"I tell you what, if you let me come along, I'll put some clothes on...and you can sleep with me younger sister."

"How much younger?"

"A year"

Splendi takes a step forward...could he really allow Predn along?
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Old Jan 2, 2003, 04:38 PM   #11
Splendiferous
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3,132 flights since Mar 2002
Location: Dreaming in plush R'lyeh
Re: Oh no! Not another movie thread! That's right, it's NOT another movie thread

"Hmmm ... well, you've already put that tuxedo on, so that's half the bargain fulfilled." (Ain't editing posts a bugger? Sorry, Pred ). "What's your younger sister look like?"

Pred shows Splend a pic of Alyson Hanngian.

"So, Pred, old buddy, old pal, let's go find Nex and his treasure, eh?"

"That's more lie it, " said Pred, grinning evilly.

"Did you just say lie?"

"Eeeeeeeeeerm .... no, I said Like."

"That's ok, then. After me!"
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Old Jan 2, 2003, 04:48 PM   #12
Predalien
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Location: Leeds, England, The Earth (also lived in other places such as Bristol and Exeter)
Re: Oh no! Not another movie thread! That's right, it's NOT another movie thread

Splendi runs along with Predn skipping merrily behind him
Predn is singing

"We're off to see the Wizard..."

"Shut up"

"The wonderful wizard of OZ"

"Shut up"

"Rah rah rah rah rah rah, wonderful wizard of oz"

"Look, you may have a beautiful sister, a lot of tuxedo's and a heart of gold...but if you don't stop Wizard of Oz-ing!" Splendi smacks Predn

"Chill man, there's no rush" Predn says, disregarding the smack

"Whatever, let's jsut keep going"
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Old Jan 2, 2003, 04:56 PM   #13
Splendiferous
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3,132 flights since Mar 2002
Location: Dreaming in plush R'lyeh
Re: Oh no! Not another movie thread! That's right, it's NOT another movie thread

Soon, the grafitti faded, and the tiles of the subway turned to cool grey stones again. Splend stopped, puzzled, and pulled out a piece of paper.

Pred : What's that?

Splend : The blueprints to the Temple. I bought them off a little Arab guy on a market stall in the east end when I was on holiday.

Pred : What was an Arab doing with the Blueprints to the Lost Temple?

Splend: (looks at Pred strangely) He was selling them, Pred, that's what he was doing. (shakes his head)

They stare at the blueprint, which is drawn in pink crayon.

Pred : We're lost.

Splend : Nah, I know exactly where we are.

Pred : Where?

Splend : Here. (He looks at the camera) I thank you!

Pred : No more austin Powers, Splend, great things are afoot!

Splend : Whoopdeedoo, Pred ...
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Old Jan 2, 2003, 05:20 PM   #14
Predalien
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Location: Leeds, England, The Earth (also lived in other places such as Bristol and Exeter)
Re: Oh no! Not another movie thread! That's right, it's NOT another movie thread

Suddenly, an old man walks around the corner waving his hands and chanting "Uggy uggy uggy"

Before Splendi gets a chance to say hi (the man is an old friend), Predn starts shooting at the man and the old man collapses in a puddle of his own glory

Splendi: What'ya do that for you idiot?!?!

Predn: He was c h a n g i n g

Splendi: What?

Predn: *whispers* c h a n g i n g

Splendi: Right, well you do realise that you killed...

*camera zooms in on Splendi's face

...Nex's brother

Predn: Nex has a 90 yr old brother?

Splendi: No, it's what happens in these subways...you age quickly

Predn: I see, i'm leaving

Splendi: Oh no you don't, I want to sleep with your si- I mean, I value your company....But now you must understand why time is not on our side

They continue, dragging a trophy from the dead brother of Nex. (his meat bag)
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Old Jan 3, 2003, 06:41 PM   #15
Predalien
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Location: Leeds, England, The Earth (also lived in other places such as Bristol and Exeter)
Re: Oh no! Not another movie thread! That's right, it's NOT another movie thread

Just thought I'd bump this before it goes too far down people's list...
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